Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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