Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
