Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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