We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
