I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
