Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I will pee on everything he values.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
