i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
