I just cut my nipple shaving
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
