where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
