yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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