U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.