dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.