Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
love makes seman taste better
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.