I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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