what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Randomize
