saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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