we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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