I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
