I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
