Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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