Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
