dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
and you fell through a lawn chair
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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