I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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