WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The air was thick with penises
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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