he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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