So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Woke up backwards on a recliner
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
