Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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