I didn't shave. On purpose
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
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