Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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