I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
