I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
you traded sex for a burrito?
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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