there were more penises there than on chat roulette
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
