Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
