happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Fuck me I smell like cheese
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
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