he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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