Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
sarcasm needs its own font
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
