you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize