my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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