What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
