part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Randomize
