You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
