I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Randomize