pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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