Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
