Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
