Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
