I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
