i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
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