I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
