Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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