obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
