Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
