i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
