You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
