i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
