i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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