I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
