i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
