I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
