Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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