Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
How does it feel to date your dad?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
