oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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