let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
