If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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