didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
