I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
