I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
We're using joints as your birthday candles
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
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