I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
