I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
