ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
