I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
