so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
3pm strippers are depressing
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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