if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
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so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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