Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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