I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
