rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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