she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Princesses don't give blow jobs
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
