Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize