we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
