Hey man sorry I got all grabby
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
