Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
