Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
