I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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