Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
