hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
