My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Randomize
