I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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