this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
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