Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
