Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
