youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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