So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
